I have long realised that my regular weeks operate on a perform/reward basis.
My perform is easy, that would be work. A bit of work for my 9-5 employer, and a lot of other work on evenings and weekends like writing books, creating websites, starting revolutions… that sort of thing.
While I do technically work to provide food and shelter for myself, that has sort of become an general given in life. And money, like saving it up, has never appealed much, and certainly doesn’t drive me. Hint: I’m working on a manifesto on how to destroy all wealth 🙂
No, the reward I give myself, and in part the motivation for everything I do when I don’t really feel like it, is going out. Parties, bars, friends, movies, travel and live music. Not staying in.
I didn’t used to simply reward myself with a night out on the weekend, like normal people, with a planned recovery day. No, I was, for decades, rewarding myself many nights per week. Yes, even Tuesdays.
So if anyone is going to acutely miss that list of rewards, it is me. I’m missing out on the things that – well, that feeling of a drinking the first sip of a cold bottle of beer after chopping down a tree. I still want to chop down the tree, and I still feel accomplished when I do, I’m just missing the rewarding relaxation.
I have replaced it a bit – with good TV, which thankfully there is so much of, and I am a snob, so I mean that…. And with snacks, which I was never into ever before… I’ve put on 3 kilos in 4 months. I’m also rewarding myself with the odd sleep-in, again, something very new to me.
I’m strong-willed, and this prison-esque situation won’t break me, it barely event affects me in terms of work done (and when you are trying to change the structure of society, that feels good).
But I am desperately missing my rewards in their various forms, and here’s the thing. While I am super-conscious of how I manipulate my life to fit a work/reward pattern, like training a dog – I understand that many people may have had the same reward system in their life, without being aware of it.
They might be missing those rewards that are currently banished, without realising that they are rewards. And without rewards, it might be hard for some to perform, and there is the potential for a downward spiral.
Please, if like me you partied (or skied, or did ballroom dancing, or traveled to Madagascar for bird-watching) as your reward, please be mindful that is was an artificial construct you created for motivation, and you actually don’t need it.
Sorry!