We’re all teenagers pal, we just get better at hiding it as we get older.
(or thereabouts)
Quote from S2E1 of Irvine Welsh’s Crime tv series
People with Autism mask (attempt to hide their tells from others), it is inherent for most, and ultra-important to me. I would sooner leave than someone find out, and I fled a lot. Well, in the past.
So it has crossed my mind that everyone masks to a degree, that masking is a spectrum, but with mega variety and nuances.
Something I have seen a fair bit is adult men, who have two ends of a spectrum. One is the perennial teenager still in awe with the world and wondering what they are supposed to do.
The other is the serious mature man – think a CEO – who is humourless and grim and trying to mask out anything that does not fit his role, until those things dissipate and all that is left is a “grown up”.
Masking isn’t just a masquerade for a night. The more you wear the mask, the more entrenched you become.
When I was diagnosed with autism (in my 50s) I was surprised that on the odd occasion, at work, when nobody was looking, I rocked, just a little. and it felt like home. I had never done it before that I know of because I had masked it my entire preceding life.
My Dad, who I am reasonably sure was autistic… on the phone his voice dropped an octave and became “more serious”.
My brother, all through schooling, the entirety of it, never spoke to anyone. My late diagnosis is that it was better to have a mask of silence than be known to be more different again.
It is a difficult concept. For every masking is an equally as plausible simply adhering to social norms. Without a diagnosis of neurodiversity, masking probably doesn’t psychologically / pathologically exist.
More on this at My Aspergers